If you feel it baby – say it baby. 

If you say (gently, vulnerably) what you feel is happening in the moment, even if it’s a bit awkward, and may be uncomfortable, in most cases, you’ll win. Or at least you’ll win points. And you’ll feel better.

It will help you enter the conversation in the prospect / partner / colleague mind.

Same goes when you research a new market, or trying to sell a solution, it is your responsibility to do a proper examination of the reality and pains they are in. 

If you’d be really curious and attentive about what you feel is happening in the moment, what you suspect they feel, and query about it – you’ll discover more accurately the drivers behind their needs and wants.

Another example highlighting this – is –

In the book ‘Never Split the Difference’ Chris Voss, the well known FBI hostage negotiator, refutes the somewhat known theory that we should aim for ‘yes’ first.

Instead, he argues, we should aim for ‘no’ first.

Here are examples:

Is it a ridiculous idea that you’ll x?

Is it a ridiculous idea that you’ll make a buying decision during this meeting?

Is it a ridiculous idea that we’ll include the decision maker in this process?

Is it a ridiculous idea that you’ll help me by answering this short survey?

By stating – ‘is it a ridiculous idea’, and aiming for an answer in the spirit of ‘no, it’s not a ridiculous idea’, you are acknowledging your feeling you have that you are bothering them, a little bit, disarming the bubbling objection in your prospect mind?

For instance, when approaching the hotel receptionist, asking for an upgrade, he will start the approach with:

you probably think I’m self centered, entitled, egoistical guest approaching you with this question, but can I ask – can I get an upgrade?

What does it do?

Rather than letting that feeling of objection develop after you’ve asked for a room upgrade – mention the potential objection upfront.

If you feel it – say it.

Find out why they would or wouldn’t deal with you?

Handle your biggest fears upfront. As scary as it sounds. 

Here is another example –

If you are a sole entrepreneur, just getting started figuring out the market, and you feel they might be worried you are too small for them – ask deliberately, first as an open question (because you don’t want to be too presumptuous): “I’m sensing something is bothering you, that may be an objection for you to be making a decision. Could you share with me openly what that objection would be?”

If they confirm and their objection is that they ‘prefer someone else’ –

you can deal with that by saying something like:

Look, let’s be honest, would you prefer to work with a large firm, that has many clients, or would you feel more comfortable with someone like me and my expertise, who could pay so much more attention to you?

In this way – early on – you can help the prospect see that your “weaknesses” are actually strengths. 

Same goes in your personal life – who here feels that when you feel it – saying it – it’s just liberating.

Now you can soften the saying, with a genuine struggle.

You can say, and this is something that happened to me, with one of my daughter’s girlfriends father.

They had a period of time they didn’t get along so well, which also caused some tension between the parents.

They are both 5 year old.

And suddenly, with a very spontaneous ask the girls asked us to come over to each other houses, and do play dates.

I felt the bit of awkwardness or uncomfortable feeling with the other father, and the situation we had gone through.

So a few minutes later I said to the other parent, privately – hey, I feel a bit awkward asking, but I feel like the girls are asking to see each other.

I want to bring this up because we had some uncomfortable situation in the past between us, in regards to the girls meeting and I want to see how you feel about the girls meet again. All answers are absolutely ok here, no right or wrong.

What do you think happened?

Probably – another step towards trust, and honesty.

Will it work in all situations – no.

But it will certainly improve the relationship on most occasions.

And if it won’t – then it’s fine – because I’ve been open, and I’ve expressed the feeling into the world.

So I’d encourage you – in sales, in leadership, in your personal life –

So if you feel it baby – say it baby.